Words From The Heart
by Sleets
Summary: Cats' POVs on the ones they love! Updated after what seemed like forever. Please review I'd like to see if my writing skills are getting worse :D
1. Don't Want To Lose You: Squirrelflight

**Author's Note:** This is my first fanfiction, so don't expect it to be perfect! Please give suggestions! This one is based on Squirrelflight's POV!

**Disclaimer:** Do I own Warriors? Ha. Wouldn't you like to know? Okay, so I don't.

**Don't Want To Lose You**

_Oh Brambleclaw. My heart lies in ThunderClan, can't you see that? My heart is with you._

He has no idea how much I truly mean it. It wasn't an act of impulse, nor was it blurted out because I was a naïve young apprentice. Every single word was true. But he doesn't know. And he probably would never know.

All I wanted was to be happy, with Brambleclaw, and possibly, our future kits. Simple. And StarClan wouldn't even grant me that. The unexpected always happens. That logic makes sense now. What I expected never came true. Our friendship won't ever be rekindled. Maybe there's hope, but it's so tiny I can't see it.

I've given Brambleclaw so many chances… but he never took them seriously. Every night, I dream of rekindling the bond between me and him. And the next day, I feel better

And try to make up. But it never worked. There are always obstacles between us.

_I crept through the crowds of cats, looking for the familiar face in the throng. Finally I saw it. Feeling a sense of thrill and optimism, I approached him with light steps. I turned around and bumped into another cat. "Oh, sorry, I was just looking for—oh, it's you." Yes, it was Hawkfrost. My excitement faded and replaced with disappointment._

That's right. That's what usually happens. And to think Brambleclaw sided with Hawkfrost at that Gathering instead of me.

It's not that I don't want to forgive him. He wouldn't let me. There was no other choice. But sometimes, I thought Brambleclaw really care about me. Please stop confusing me, Brambleclaw, please tell me if you truly care.

I have seen how he looks at me when I'm with Ashfur. Those sad eyes broke my heart but I am not going to give in that easily. Because I knew he wouldn't give up Hawkfrost for me that easily too.

Ashfur, I am so sorry. I do not feel anything for you. But I gave you the wrong idea. I know that, because your eyes were always shining when I'm with you. I am truly sorry. I wish I could tell you what I really feel, but I know how much it would hurt to you. Besides, feelings might change. Who knows? Maybe I will stop loving Brambleclaw and love you instead? But that is merely a thought. My heart tells me my feelings for Brambleclaw won't ever fade.

I really want to love freely once again. It's on my face whenever I look at him. But he never got the meaning. I miss him so much. I don't even know if he returns my love. Oh StarClan. How cruel you are. I was once the main character, with my head always full of stars. And without warning, I suddenly understood the other side of love. Love, which I always define as happiness, became a totally different word. I now understood it as pain.

Hawkfrost. Deep inside those blue eyes is an ambition hidden so well. A dangerous ambition. An ambition that sent shivers down my spine. Brambleclaw has always claimed to be smarter than me, so why is it that he couldn't see something I see? Why couldn't he understand?

_Or are you accusing him because of who his father was?_

Brambleclaw would never know how much those words hurt me. I had thought Brambleclaw knew me the best. But apparently, I was so wrong.

_If that's what you think, then you don't know me at all!_

That was my sharp reply. It sent a pang of sadness inside my heart just hearing myself said that. Why can't we go back to the old days? I missed the warmth of his fur against mine, and the sound of his voice near my ears.

I don't judge him by his father. I don't care at all who his father was. I care only for Brambleclaw, the warrior that led us through the journey, the humble warrior who only wishes to please his leader. I don't understand how he could change so much. And I didn't even notice him changing. It's simply overnight. One day I had everything I could wish for, with the perfect cat I want to be with. And the next day, everything is gone. The cat has changed. I don't grief because I lost love, I grief because I had forgotten what it was like to love without feeling any pain.

Love has never been that easy. But I never predicted it would be this hard. I entered the path of love unprepared.

It all comes down to trust. He trusts Hawkfrost more than he trusts me. I wish I could make him see how dangerous the cat is. He might be kin, but he has everything Tigerstar once hold. Leafpool think I'm overreacting. But that is not the case. I know myself why I am doing this.

I want to protect you Brambleclaw. He's dangerous. He's using you.

I do this because I love you, Brambleclaw.

And I don't want to lose you.

**So how was it? Good? Awful? Please review and suggest if I should do more chapters. I might be doing Firestar, Ashfur and Shrewpaw.**


	2. Silent Love: Spottedleaf

**So, I've updated the second chappie! rejoice Please review!**

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**Silent Love: Spottedleaf**

Wow… that was the most unexpected event I expected. He had to come into the Clan. The first time I saw him, I knew I'll grow to like him as a friend. The first time he set his eyes upon me, I knew he would be a special cat to me. The first time I talked to him, I knew I had fallen in love.

Firepaw.

I have always been watching him, from apprentice to warrior, from warrior to deputy, and finally to leader. Yet, I still loved thinking of him as Firepaw, the young apprentice of ThunderClan who was always wanted to prove himself.

_Fire will save the Clan._

As soon as Bluestar named him Firepaw, I knew straight away who it was. I wanted to warn him of the prophecy, and I did. But in a ghostly kind of way. I don't know what had gripped me at that time, but something had washed over my body and I didn't know what I was doing. I was talking like some dead cat from StarClan. Even in that state, I could still hear my own voice, echoing vaguely in the back of my mind. It was creepy even for me, but I inserted casualty into my voice as soon as I became normal. The look in Firepaw's eyes at that time was priceless. It was an innocent confused look mingled with wonderment. But no matter how hard I searched, there wasn't a single trace of fear in his green gaze.

I loved him so much that it hurts to know how much barriers there are between us. A thought entered my mind, so unbelievable that I winced. I thought perhaps, I shouldn't have entered the path of a medicine cat. Love can do such thing to a cat that falls in its trap.

I had felt myself desperately slipping into insanity, as I longed for Firepaw and at the same time, wanted to fulfill my duty to StarClan and ThunderClan. I wished there was another cat like me, who shared my dilemma. But if there was, I didn't find out.

Why must things be so tough for me? I am always struggling to put on a gentle and wise front but I'm a totally different cat inside. I'm always pondering of what to do with Firepaw and my own duties.

Then, one day, StarClan answered my prayers in the wrong way. I could still remember that moment.

"_Back off!" I hissed, feeling fear building up in me as I took in the other warrior's features. He was well-built, with hard muscles rippling underneath and teeth bared. I began to take a step back uncertainly. That was certainly the wrong move, because triumph entered the ugly tom's face. "Scared, aren't you?"_

_Before I could reply, he had leaped on me. I could do nothing. Herbs are my forte but I can die under an apprentice's claws quite easily. And this opponent is not an apprentice._

_He had me pinned down within heartbeats and his unsheathed claws gleamed with water droplets. I struggled aimlessly and managed to catch a tuff of his brown fur. But that is all I could do. I felt so useless as the warrior slashed my throat. Excoriating pain hit me as blood rushed out. My sight began to fail and I felt colder than I ever felt in any leaf-bare. As darkness wash over me, and StarClan's whispers sounded in my ears, thoughts ran through my mind in a frantic rush._

_Firepaw… I love you… goodbye._

Now as I watch Firestar through the starlit pool in StarClan, I felt a rush of pride. He made it. He had saved the Clan through my guidance.

I often pondered what would have happened if I hadn't died. Leafpool and Squirrelflight would be my kits. But I thought of all the advantages battling the disadvantages.

If I hadn't died, Sandstorm would be left in a life of misery. Leafpool and Squirrelflight would be replaced by my own kits. I would have broken the warrior code. ThunderClan would never have Yellowfang as a medicine cat, nor Cinderpelt or Leafpool. The chosen cats would still go on their perilous journey but there would be no Squirrelflight for Brambleclaw to fall in love with. Everything would have been different for ThunderClan and Firestar. Everything happens for a reason. Same applies to my death. This is fate.

I still wish I could be with Firestar, but watching over him as a StarClan spirit eased the pain. At least I still get to protect the cat I loved. He is older now, and the noble leader of ThunderClan. I had predicted this day would come. He needs to be on his own. So I had stopped entering his dreams.

However, I still continue guiding his kits. Even though they are not mine, I still feel a sense of affinity towards them. They are so like Firestar as a young cat, naïve, confused and unsure. I knew I had to guide them as I had done with Firestar.

Some day, we will meet in StarClan. I planned it out perfectly. Though I long to be reunited with him, when the time comes, I will keep my distance. I had foreseen everything. By the time Firestar gives up his life, Sandstorm would most likely have too. I can be perfectly content watching them spend their time in StarClan together. Even though it pains me so. No matter where he is, far away or right by my side, I will continue to protect him secretly. I don't want to be selfish. I am willing to love him silently.

However, there is one question I badly wanted to ask him. It's like a gaping wound in my heart and I longed for it to be closed with just a single word. Even though I couldn't predict what his answer would be, I wish I could look at him straight in the eye and ask:

_Firestar, do you wish I hadn't died?_

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**Poor Spotty... Okay, please suggest the next chappie!**


	3. Waiting For You: Feathertail

**Author's Note: **First of all thanks to all my reviewers!!! -gives out Crowfeather plushies- Ah, crappy chapter. Sorry, I wasn't in the mood and I was planning on a new story... Well, just read and flames are accepted!!

**Waiting For You**

I can't remember when I started to fall for him. Maybe it was his behavior or his looks, but pretty soon I realize I had begun to love him.

Every time my heart skips beats in front of him, I thought of how wrong I was. Forbidden love can be painful; my mother and father had proved that. When I was a little kit, I told myself not to fall for another Clan cat and now I did. But, I fought back on that thought, these are different circumstances right? I remembered Graystripe's story. He and Silverstream never had a happy ending. Even though I don't care much, I keep telling myself not to worry, love will find a way.

He was merely a young apprentice, while I was a warrior. But he was more than what a warrior can be. He was always trying to protect me, even though he is younger. During the perilous journey I had realized I felt safe when I'm with him. I actually wanted him to protect me. But I was glad that when I died, I died saving him. I had returned his favor; I am no longer in his debt, nor is he in mine. Crowpaw is now free.

But he didn't want to be free. He mourned all day, blaming himself for my death. Why, Crowpaw? It wasn't his fault, I did it myself.

_I watched in horror as the huge cat, Sharptooth, cornered Crowpaw. His head whipped desperately from side to side, seeking an exit. But there was none. Sharptooth bared his fangs and got closer… For a moment, his eyes met mine. Fear filled his blue gaze and suddenly, it struck me what I had to do. "I am the silver cat…"I murmured, realizing the truth as soon as the words left my mouth. Looking up, I saw the sharp rocks jutting out from the top or the cave. Thinking quickly, I aimed at one and jumped. My paws caught one of them and with a shiver, it collapsed. I crashed to the ground, just in time to see Sharptooth fell back, not moving again._

I knew I had finally saved him. I would always watch over him, but I wished he would stop grieving, and get on with life. As soon as my paws touch the sky, I had seen his destiny. There would be a cat to replace me. No matter how much I envy that cat, I prayed that Crowpaw would realize it soon.

Crowpaw became a warrior pretty soon, and no one would have any idea how proud I was of him. When he requested to be named Crowfeather, I wanted to cry out. I was glad he truly loved me and remembered me, but I was sad that he couldn't put the past behind him. Everyone seems to be moving, but Crowfeather is stuck in the past. Perhaps it would take another cat to make him realize, there is no use in thinking about one's loss. Of course, I knew who this cat is.

Leafpool. How I hated her at first, and how I hated myself for showing such hatred to another cat. But now, I realized, I had died for a reason. It was my destiny, as well as Crowfeather's and Leafpool's. Our destinies are entwined together. It was my duty to be happy for them.

Now, I watched him through the pool in StarClan. He had confessed to her. I was relieved, but there was something else that slowed my heartbeat. Disappointment. Leafpool would have his protection now, just as I had when I was alive. The more Leafpool gains, the more I lost. I would never deny I didn't want Crowfeather to love Leafpool, nor would I deny my selfishness. I can only wish I didn't love Crowfeather so much, so much that I could actually detest another cat. Watching quietly from the sky of spirits, I accepted the fact that Crowfeather already loves another cat, and that I am merely a spirit, who can only wait for her love to join her in death.

Crowfeather and Leafpool never went through tough times. That is why I start to wonder if he really loves her, or is she just a substitute to fill up the gape in his heart. I wish I could know that if I'm alive, would he have fallen for Leafpool? If so, who would he choose?

No matter what, I cannot undo the past. Everything is already done, I'm already dead, Crowfeather has fallen for another cat. The only thing I can do is waiting for him to join me.

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As I said, crappy chappie, even worse ending. But I'll be grateful if you review anyway!!


	4. True Love: Stormfur

**Author's Note: **-freaks out- RECORD!!!! I updated two chapters in two days!!! And this is the longest chapter!! I know the title isn't very good... anyways, I was so in the mood for writing so I wrote this in record time! It's to make up for the previous chappie which was short and crappy because I didn't feel like writing... yay, I was quite pleased with this chapter and was surprised there was so much to be written about Stormfur... please do review and suggest more pairings!!

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**True Love**

What is love? Why is it so hard to understand?

For me, love is a feeling that sends warmth to every part of your body, and it keeps you in a good mood all day. But however much I can define love; I still could not understand just what is love?

I understood fatherly and motherly love, and also love between siblings. That is why I couldn't let Feathertail go alone; it comes from having divided loyalties. I was always close to her, as kits, apprentices and finally warriors. The thought of my precious sister going into unknown danger alone sent fear through my heart. I had to protect her; it was as if I was born with that duty, and that I must fulfill it.

But I long to know the love shared between mates. Every day in RiverClan, I watch couples sharing tongues, purring in contentment. What exactly is the love they share? What kind of feeling is that?

I understood as soon as I met her, or as I assumed.

The young fiery apprentice had a unique characteristic, and I was instantly attracted to the annoying personality she possesses. I'm always happy when I'm with her, my troubles forgotten. Sometimes, when I see her with Brambleclaw, or more likely always with Brambeclaw, I felt a prickle of envy. I thought I had finally understood love. How wrong I can get.

I had made a mental note that if I think I love a cat, I must test myself. Am I willing to be with her forever? No.

Do I think about her every single moment? No.

Am I willing to be her mate, even though it was forbidden? Not really.

Am I willing to sacrifice for her? Yes, maybe…

In average, it points to the logic that I do not love her. Even though my moments with her were happy, I couldn't help but think, is this love?

I was even more desperate to know the answer when I notice how Crowpaw was attracted to Feathertail. Perhaps it was because I didn't understood love, and that my feeling towards Squirrelpaw wasn't that strong, but I was irritated by his affection towards my sister. What right does he have to love a warrior when he's merely an apprentice, especially a warrior like my sister?

Our journey ended after we got the message from Midnight, and until that point, I still hadn't fully understood love. That is, until I met Brook Where Small Fishes Swim.

She was totally the opposite of Squirrelpaw, gentle and kind. I wasn't attracted to her as I was to Squirrelpaw, but I kept having this weird feeling that I never felt before. It was a warm, happy feeling, like I had gotten the greatest gift in life. I couldn't shake it off, or ignore it. It's a nagging thought that wouldn't leave me alone.

Maybe it was because of this particular feeling that my heart shattered the moment I realized Brook's betrayal. She treated me well because I was a tool vital for her Tribe's survival. The shock of it all hit me like a thunder shock. Her look of sadness doesn't matter to me anymore; I know it was all an act. I am nothing but a tool.

And then I lost sibling love. Feathertail died in order to save Crowpaw. Again, her actions made me wonder what love is. If you love someone, would you really be willing to die for her? I made another mental note. If Squirrelpaw was in danger, would I be willing to save her? I would, but that goes for the rest of my friends too. That was when I realized, my affection towards her was only an attraction between opposite gender. It was nowhere near love.

I had to leave the Tribe, despite how I fit in really well. I should have felt only the sadness of parting with friends, and sadness about leaving Feathertail behind, but I felt a certain grief that settled deep in my heart, and make me choke. A force was pulling me back towards the Tribe and a gaping loneliness washed over me; loneliness because Feathertail is dead and loneliness because I will no longer have that happy feeling when I'm with the Tribe. When I'm with _her_.

Much as I try to ignore it, it was too real. I missed her. I should be joyful that we have completed the journey and that we were setting out to our new home, but I felt that I was missing something very important. I was so distracted that I didn't notice I was no longer attracted to Squirrelpaw, and that it doesn't matter who she is with.

Hope soared inside me as we took the route of the mountain. It almost felt as if I had returned home, where I really belong. I was overjoyed at seeing the Tribe, but I knew I was looking for a certain cat in particular.

Brook was exactly how I had left her; shining eyes, sleek pelt, and gentle nature. I noticed how I am used to remembering every single detail of the demure she-cat. As I greeted her eagerly, my loneliness vanished instantly, my heart lifted, and the feeling that I was missing something was forgotten. At that moment, I knew I can't bear the pain of leaving her a second time.

Realization hit me so suddenly I trembled. The realization that I was willing to leave RiverClan to be with brook… that the pain of leaving Brook was worse than the pain of leaving my Clan. Brook cannot leave to be with me, I must leave to be with her.

Leopardstar was more understanding than I had expected. I was allowed to stay with the Tribe and the spirit of Feathertail. Firestar made a wonderful speech that matches my feelings. We must all follow our hearts, and my heart lies with Brook.

Memories ran through my head as I remembered my life in RiverClan. Now all this is going to be over, I will not get to see their new home. Betrayal towards my Clan… I had failed Graystripe, wherever he was, and Silverstream in StarClan. However, Brook was there. Together, we will suffer hardships and enjoy good times.

Heart-broken as I was, I ran through my mental note.

Am I willing to be with her forever? Yes.

Do I think about her every single moment? Yes.

Am I willing to be her mate, even if it was forbidden? Yes.

Am I willing to sacrifice for her? Yes, I just did.

Emotions mixing with true joy inside me, I purred silently and added a new question.

Is this love?

Yes.

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A/N: Actually... Stormfur sounds rather mushy, but I thought that fits him really well... I'll be grateful if you review... -hands out Stormfur plushies to reviewers-


	5. Don't Let Her Go: Ashfur

**A/N: **I'm not too proud of this chapter, I don't know why. Well anyways, when you finish the story, please suggest some pairings... I'm running out of ideas!

**Don't Let Her Go**

I would do anything for her. I can give her as much as Brambleclaw could. Will she ever know that? Even if it means giving up my life. I am even willing to let her use me to spite Brambleclaw.

Squirrelflight showed signs of her quarrel with Brambleclaw a while after we moved in to our new territory. I wondered what happened that caused her to despise the cat she loves so much. She never told me, because I know, she doesn't trust me as much as she does with Brambleclaw. Even though now the trust between them has been misplaced, it is still not worth the trust she has for me.

I can't understand. What is she doing? One moment, she was purring with Brambleclaw, the next, she was spitting. And without warning, she was by my side. Her acting was good, but I could see through it. If she can act, so can I. I did. I acted pretty well. All I wanted was to bury my muzzle inside her fur but I stopped myself. She doesn't love me. She was only using me. Her eyes were always full of longing when she stares at that tabby tom. But she still stuck to my side. And I was foolish enough to let her.

Love is foolish. I don't mind being used, as long as I can have her beside me everyday. The mere thought of her made me purr silly. She had turned me into a fool, a fool in love. Sometimes I wonder why am I doing this, and I couldn't find a good enough reason why.

I never demanded Squirrelflight to love me, I never asked for her feelings to be for me. But I just don't want her to push me away.

I could imagine every night, the sight of Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw purring as they make up. The feel of her fur beside me was trying to assure me that wouldn't happen. But I long knew that moment would come one day. That moment would come when my heart would crack.

I am merely a side character. Squirrelflight would be always with me now because there was no one else to lean on. I was the only choice. I know that some day, I would be left to mourn over the loss of my love and no one would even notice. One day, when Squirrelflight found where her heart truly lies in, she will go back to Brambleclaw, and I would be left mourning at the side.

What I really hate about myself was why I allow myself to be that side character which could have been any other person. I don't have the heart to tell Squirrelflight not to use me as bait. I even consider myself lucky that she chose me.

It hurts. It hurts so much that I feel like I am about to die. It really hurts, you know that, Squirrelflight? I'm always looking happy and cheerful, but the truth is that, I am worried and very scared. Scared to lose you. I just tried not to show it.

Sometimes I feel the new territory is so strange. Danger is everywhere, and problems are weighing every cat down. The distress of my Clanmates hunt over our camp so heavily I suffocate under it. It was only because of Squirrelflight I was able to breathe.

I should never expect too much from Squirrelflight. The higher my expectations, the bigger my disappointment. She would care for me occasionally, but eventually, it is Brambleclaw who she really loves. She will never look at me the same way. Her heart belongs elsewhere.

When the time comes for her to return to Brambleclaw's side, I will not complain. It is my duty to let her follow her heart, to love someone more worthy than me. I will ignore the breaking of my heart and swallow the pain I would feel. At least she would not be upset again. I would let her go and purr encouragement at her. I will slink back quietly into the shadows.

I know the time is coming soon. I would lose her any time now. That is why I must treasure the moments we share now.

There is ever so little chance she would choose me over Brambleclaw. She doesn't know what I will be reduced to if she ignored that little chance that I would be her mate. Every single word I think of is true; it came from the bottom of my heart. I despise myself because I can't bring myself to say those words I wanted to.

But Squirrelflight, I will let you go. That is a promise I will keep until I join StarClan. I will bury you deep in my heart. Your joy is mine, but my joy isn't yours, so I will do anything to make you happy, because it will make me happy too. But if one day you want to come back to me, I will accept, regardless of when that time is.

I would still be ready to take her back if the tabby tom mistreat her again. I would be ready to let her use me again. Even though it hurts badly, I am still glad fate had brought us together, whether through friendship or love.

_Bramblclaw, don't let her go_

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**Bad chappie! In my opinion, that is. AARGH! My skills are going down! -gasp- Ah, poor Ashy... thanks if you reviewed! Again, please give me more ideas! **


	6. I Would Rather Be In Love: Brightheart

**Author's Note: **I got the inspiration while I was listening to a song. And later on, Brightheart will mention 'cage', but she do know what a cage is, since she's been in one before. I guess I can say I'm pretty pleased with this chappie. Thank you to all my reviewers and those who added me in their favorites list, I'm really grateful!

**I Would Rather Be In Love**

I don't only see him, hear him, or smell him. I can feel him. Amidst the pain, agony, and confusion, he was there… I could only see darkness, hear nothing, and smell blood. But he was there. He was right beside me. His presence made me believe I'm never alone.

It was because I could feel him that I fought with death. I couldn't be so ruthless to leave him alone; he's so impulsive and stubborn. Cloudtail needs me, just like I need him.

Death was the most invincible opponent I've met. The fight was tough, and it left me heaving for breath and longing for him to calm me down. I know he was always there, but at times when I could no longer feel him, it made my heart stop with fear. I can't fight this battle alone, not without him. It was at times like that that my nightmare returned. Horrible visions of fangs and claws… the terrifying sounds of screaming… and my battle with death became impossible, leaving me more wounded than I already was.

Cloudtail may be absent at rare times when I'm struggling to live, but when I close my eyes, he's always there. That helps.

When I woke up, my eye and ear throbbed, so does my whole body. The first thing I saw was the familiar white face that I've always longed to see again. Even though I felt like I could see more limited things now, Cloudtail's face is always within the limit.

He was more than overjoyed, to my relief. But I wondered if his concern for me was out of friendship or love. I couldn't bear to ask him. When he met my eyes that day, I was longing to tell him. "It was because of you that I got so far. I see you each time I close my eyes." And I long for him to say that he sees me in his dreams too.

Love took me by surprise, opening me into a new world I've never seen before. Love has brought me to him.

"I love you, Lostface."

My heart skipped a beat. I already lost count of how much my heart skips beats and when it started to do that around Cloudtail. But something else made me tremble. Lostface? Did he just call me Lostface? If Bluestar herself had given me that name, I must look horrible. Shrinking away, I knew he wouldn't love a ravaged cat like me. I can accept that. But why must he lie to me like that, saying he love me? There's no need to comfort me, I will manage alone, without him.

But I can't. I'm so pathetic. I can't live without him. I allowed him to care for me, even though I thought he was lying.

Maybe we were meant to live without each other. I was so selfish, allowing him to care for me despite the knowledge that we will part as soon as I am well. I guessed Cloudtail felt responsible for my state.

At that time of confusion, I told myself, I would rather be in eternal pain than be in love with a cat who doesn't return my feelings.

But each time I gaze into his eyes, I felt like I was flying in a world of warmth. Even in bitter cold, his eyes brought warmth to me.

I wish Cloudtail would stop his actions. It's totally confusing me. I don't know if he truly loves me or he just felt some kind of responsibility towards me. At lonely times, I comfort myself by thinking that Cloudtail loves me, and that he doesn't care about my looks. Of course, I hope this was true; Cloudtail is a faithful cat, but I can't help but doubt if he truly doesn't mind how I look like and look at the cat inside.

Every time I wake up in the medicine cat's den and see light pouring in, I found myself wishing again, with a pang, that Cloudtail would let me enter his heart like that trickle of light, even if it was just a little bit, a little trickle…

I was taken to meet Cloudtail's mother one day. I cursed myself for meeting his mother only after those dogs attacked me. Why couldn't it be earlier? I felt a sudden fear as a thought crept into my mind. What if he had arranged it to be like this, so that I would realize how impossible it was for me to be his mate?

As predicted, Princess was shocked to see me. I should be happy that she at least sympathizes with me instead of despising me, but that just made me feel worse. I felt more like an injured, helpless cat.

That day, I saw myself for the first time after the accident.

I looked hideous. My eye was gone, left with only a blob, and my ear was torn off. In fact, half of my face was replaced with gruesome bare skin. I had braced myself for something bad, but this was way too much. I can't believe how much I irk myself. I didn't want to appear startled and helpless like a trapped bird longing to escape its cage of nightmare, so I kept my cool.

To tell the truth, I no longer feel as shocked as I should be. Everything has numbed me. Nothing really matters anymore. Even my awful looks doesn't hurt me so much… life goes on no matter what, I'm proud to have become like this for the sake of the Clan.

What Cloudtail said after that took me completely by surprise.

"You'll always be beautiful to me."

I've heard that countless times, and I assumed he was just trying to comfort me. I don't know why… perhaps it's because it was the right moment, but I felt the truth in his words. He meant what he said. With a jolt, I realized he meant what he always said; whatever he said, they were all truth, not a single lie in it. I felt my heart lifting as I understood his words, and that he loved me all this while, despite my appearance. There will never be a cat nobler than Cloudtail. I was finally freed from my cage.

I will forever be grateful to Cloudtail, and I know I will forever love him. I knew there would be obstacles ahead of us, but I will stay firm.

I have changed my mind.

I would rather be in love.

**A/N: **We all know Daisy would come between them… but I don't want to mention that, it breaks my heart to see Brightheart so pitiful :( Anyway, review please!


	7. You Healed My Wound: Crowfeather

**Author's Note: **Wow... I'm moving pretty fast! I'm such a quick updater! -ignores jeering and holds head high- I'm once again pleased with this chappie... it's the longest ever!! -grins stupidly- Amazing how I could write so much about Crowfeather and so little for Feathertail. Might not seem good for some, but I wrote it while trying my best to know how Crowfeather would feel. Perhaps I'm able to write a lot because I really love Crowfeather's love life!!!!

**You Healed My Wounds**

Is it possible that there is such thing as double love? Of course there is, but the real question is that is it possible to have double love?

Feathertail was my world. I had to protect my world; without her, I can't live anymore. Each time she got into trouble, I would be there for her. She's everything to me. Only she has the key to my heart.

She entered my heart ever so easily, just like that. No struggles or difficulties. I had thought my heart was impossible to break through; never would I think a certain she-cat would pass through like it was made of air.

But she did.

Just when I felt I couldn't be happier, she had to leave. At the one time where she needed my protection the most, I wasn't there. When her spirit left her body, it left my heart too, shattering it on the way out.

Even though I knew she would always be watching me from StarClan, nothing would ever be the same. I wished I was the one in StarClan watching her.

_I breathed in deeply and summoned all the courage I've got. "Feathertail."_

_Feathertail looked up, her eyes shining. "Yes?"_

_Her eyes bore deep inside me, sending my heart into a frenzy of hard thumping. I was speechless._

_Feathertail's eyes clouded with worry. "Is there anything wrong Crowpaw?"_

_I shook my head in frustration. What an idiot I am. "I want to say… err… I mean, you—I…" I mentally slapped myself. Just a look from Feathertail and I'm jittery all over._

_Feathertail touched her nose to mine, sending a shiver from the spot she touched all the way to my tail. "Crowpaw. You can tell me anything." With her eyes glowing in amusement, she added. "You might not get the chance to. In this journey, anything can happen."_

_Suddenly startled at the thought of losing her, I reached out and brushed my cheek against hers. "Feathertail," I whispered softly. "Don't die before me."_

_Feathertail pulled back, meeting my gaze. Her blue eyes were puzzled yet filled with something else as well. "Wha—"_

"_Promise?" I interrupted, not wanting her to ask awkward questions._

_Feathertail's puzzlement faded and she purred gently. "I promise."_

I recalled how selfish I had been. I'd actually give Feathertail the pain of losing the cat she loves. But I said it because I knew I wouldn't be able to bear the pain of losing her. And yet… she had not been able to fulfill her promise to me.

_You promised, Feathertail…_ I felt myself shake all over again. The memory of her silver fur, glowing eyes and gentle personality made my heart cry out again. I thought nothing would ever be the same again, and that my heart would never beat fast or that I would feel the familiar warmth in my chest and the common tingle down my spine that had become extinct.

And then… she came.

Her short tabby fur and amber eyes were so very different from Feathertail. She wasn't even a proper warrior yet, just merely an apprentice. A medicine cat apprentice, to be more precise. Of all the forest, tribes and Clans that exists, she had to be in this forest, in ThunderClan, traveling with us. Perhaps it was fate.

How could I have fallen for her in such a short time? Why is it that my gaze was always drawn to her? Why is it that the fast beating heart and that feeling has returned? Why is it that love had to trap me of all cats again?

The thing that draws me to her the most was her personality. It was so similar to Feathertail's. I was furious with myself for falling for another cat so soon after Feathertail's death. That's why every time I see her, I felt like yowling at her: Leave me alone! Why do you keep invading my head?

I didn't, of course. I would have been thought of as crazy. I'm so sorry Feathertail. I tried, I really did! I tried to love only you. But I can't help it. Trying to keep away from Leafpaw is a torture and it's driving me crazy.

The only thing left for me to do is to follow my own heart. I won't deny I didn't want to have that feeling again. It was the best feeling I could ever wish for; even grieving for Feathertail was a blessing in disguise. I never thought I would actually grieve so strongly for a cat, or feel so strongly for her.

Wait. When did I start thinking positive? Just the day before I was mourning over Feathertail, and today, I was thinking how lucky I was to have met Feathertail. Again, I found my gaze traveling to the medicine cat apprentice. Could it really be because of her?

My heart skipped a beat, just like it always does with Feathertail. I couldn't tear my gaze off her. It was just like the time when I fell for Feathertail. Fortunately, I was alert enough to see her head beginning to turn and I jerk away as fast as I can. She didn't know.

As I prepared for my patrol, my fur bristled under the medicine cat's blue gaze. I wished I could meet her gaze squarely but I knew how much the consequences would be if I loved her. Yet I still did.

When she came over to WindClan territory moons later, I couldn't be more surprised. Why was she here? I thought, alarm building up inside me. If any of my Clanmates or even Onewhisker happens to see how I act around her, I would be in deep trouble. I felt almost angry at Leafpaw. She entered my heart without permission and awakened my deepest emotions which had slept ever since Feathertail died. It's like I've got heart problems and now all I can think of is Leafpaw.

I watched her heal our elders. She was so gentle and caring, her skills so well-mastered. Although I stubbornly kept a hard front, my heart was aching with love and pride…? Since when did I start feeling proud of her actions?

It was almost as if Onewhisker was giving me chances to get close to Leafpaw, sending me to help and escort her. It took all my strength to just stay a fair distance away from her.

Our fur brushed by accident. A little accident. But it sent shivers all over my body. I wanted so badly to press my fur against hers, but I did the obvious opposite, leaping back. The mere thought of my brushing against her made my heart lift inside me and I would purr like I had received the best gift ever.

It was tough enough for me, without having Leafpaw, Leafpool now, to bring out the memory of Feathertail's death. When she was clinging on that cliff, every sense was screaming at me to save her. But all I could see in my head was Feathertail. How she fell to her death. I'm sorry, Feathertail… I failed to save you…

It was that light voice in the wind that snapped me out of my trance.

_Crowfeather… save her. Don't let her end up like me._

I lunged forward to grab her scruff. I felt myself slid further down, and images of Leafpool's death clouded my mind. In fact, it gave me courage and I pulled her up.

I collapsed on the ground, exhaustion overwhelming me. Not the exhaustion of pulling another cat up, the exhaustion of fighting with my own mind. I felt more confident than I had felt after Feathertail's death. The fact that she appeared right before me at that moment showed that she approved of my new love.

I still didn't know who I was thinking of when I saved Leafpool. Was I imagining her as Feathertail? I felt confused yet again.

"I must be the last cat you would want to save." I blinked, letting myself drown in her gaze. Is that really what she thinks?

"Is that what you think?" I answered bitterly, my feelings blinding me. "Don't you know how I feel about you? And how much I hate myself for feeling that way about another cat so soon after Feathertail's death?" Fresh grief rose inside me but I swallowed it back, forcing myself to finish this sentence. Unfortunately, it came out the wrong way.

"I loved her, I really did. How can I love you too?"

"Me? But—"

"You walk in my dreams, Leafpool," I finished, my heart thumping hard. My head spun with the realization that I had just made a confession. It must be shocking for the medicine cat.

But she didn't look shocked, just sad.

However much it pained me to know I had fallen for the wrong cat again, and that we were breaking the warrior code to be together, I feel no guilt. I didn't even know if she returned my feelings; she hasn't said a word that hinted she loved me too, but I didn't care anymore. I would let my feelings and my heart control me.

Leafpool is a true medicine cat in my eyes. She even had the correct herbs to help me. Her love is the only herb.

Because when Leafpool entered my heart, she healed it on the way.

**A/N: **Review or I won't write the next chappie -pouts- Just kidding... but will gladly appreciate reviews! I hope this story doesn't seem long and boring to you! -squeals- I really love what I made up about Crowy, when he said don't die before me. I think that sentence is cute!


	8. Because Of You: Dustpelt

**Author's Note: **Tried something new... Dustpelt's POV. Not a wonderful chappie, maybe because I don't quite fancy the pairing? Or maybe I'm getting worse at writing...

**Because Of You**

She never looked at me in the way I had looked at her. But I have always believed she would one day.

From kits to apprentices we were always close. I had thought nothing can break us apart. Not a Clan cat or a warrior. Much less a _kittypet, _and an apprentice at that.

I knew from her face that something had happened in the patrol. I could sense it was something that has a great effect on her; and I was desperate to know. Of course, I could see there was a battle but something had come out of the battle.

But no, she wouldn't tell me, for the first time since we were born. But something definitely happened, and I took a guess.

Because the next time I snapped at that annoying ginger kittypet, she said nothing.

Nothing… Sandpaw…

What did Fireheart poison her mind with?

I forced myself to trust that she was just making a friend. But I felt uneasy at the glow in her eyes when she's with him.

Not only did she not torment Fireheart anymore, she actually _talked _to him. And not in her usual prickly way, but the way she talked to me.

And now, it was the opposite. She started to snap at me whenever I made a comment on the kittypet. She would never know… prickly as I am, I still have a heart. A heart that belonged to her.

Everything I do was for her.

I guess that was what sharpened my hatred towards the kittypet that was made warrior earlier because of his so called 'courage'. I loathe every fur on him and I wished he would just crawl back to his Twolegs. I wished he never came. I vowed I would win back Sandpaw, if it's the last thing I do.

And so I began on my greatest quest.

The first step was to find another cat who hated Fireheart as well. A dark pelt entered my mind. Isn't it obvious? Darkstripe, my second mentor. And of course, Longtail. Both cats despised Fireheart ever since the day he came. Last but definitely not the least, Tigerclaw. I had looked up to him since I was a kit, and I was pleased he shared my hatred towards Fireheart.

I didn't actually hang out with them often, but I do treat them as some sort of allies. We were bound together by one single feeling.

The bitterness of it all… when Sandpaw became Sandstorm and I became Dustpelt, she grew even closer to Fireheart. She still talked to me but not as often. I was left gazing after her longingly, my heart cracked. I didn't bother to hide the pain in my eyes, but of course, Sandstorm's eyes were all for Fireheart and she didn't notice.

I was shocked beyond words when Tigerclaw was brought to the truth. There goes my hope of winning Sandstorm back, shattered like that. If you love someone, you must let her go… I knew of that logic so long time ago, but I can't let Sandstorm go.

But at least something tempered my pain… my first apprentice, Ashpaw.

I had sat proudly, looking from the she-kit to the tom-kit. I wished to have the tom-kit for he would be a stronger fighter, but strangely enough, I pictured myself training with the she-kit and I felt a prickle of anticipation.

That probably explains why I was a little disappointed with getting the tom-kit, Ashpaw instead of Fernpaw. Darkstripe got her. Even though he was my mentor, I felt uneasy with leaving him with the shy-looking she-cat. I felt the need to… defend her.

Ashpaw was great; obedient and strong, but Fernpaw would be more secure if I was her mentor.

I found her alone one day and took the opportunity to get to know her. She was kind and gentle, and it was so easy to chat with her. But something she said…

"I'm sure you'll make a great warrior, Fernpaw," I meowed warmly, meaning every word I say.

Fernpaw looked up at me steadily, making my paws prickle. "But… I think my dream is to be a medicine cat."

My heart skipped a beat. "What?" I asked in disbelief, feeling disappointed. "Your dream..?" I should be glad for her, but I'm not.

Fernpaw hesitated. Her gaze was filled with sadness and something else. "That was my dream as a kit. But now… I don't think I want to be anymore."

My heart lifted. "Really?" I meowed, relief visible in my voice. Following it was curiosity. "Why?" I didn't want to question her, it might change her mind again. But there was something in the back of my mind that wanted to know… because… because… there was an answer I wanted to hear.

A glow entered her eyes. "Because I can't have a mate if I become a medicine cat."

Who? Who?! My mind was screaming for an answer, but I took a deep breath, swallowing my excitement. Hey wait… why was I excited in the first place? "You have a cat in mind?" I purred teasingly.

But Fernpaw didn't purr. She looked deadly serious. "Yes."

My heart seemed to stop for many moments. Did she like another cat? "Who?" I whispered, no longer joking.

Fernpaw met my eyes. My spine was tingling as she replied, "He's nearby."

I looked around wildly, panic rapidly rising inside me. It battled with the confusion inside me. Why should I act this way? So what if she already love a cat?

So what? So what? So what?

But this wasn't a 'so what' situation. The words 'so what' would never come across my mind.

My eyes caught a familiar ginger pelt. "Fireheart?" I meowed aloud, fury edging my voice.

Fernpaw held out a paw and touched my pelt to get back my attention. "Not him."

There was no other cat around except Fireheart and other she-cats. And of course…… me. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out.

"Dustpelt… can you stop hating Fireheart? … For my sake?"

I blinked. Why was she trying to protect him? But the look in her eyes were pleading and I couldn't refuse. Heavily, I nodded. "Okay."

Suddenly, Fernpaw was back to her old self, shy and quiet. "I—I got to go. Bye."

I gazed after her, wondering who was the cat she meant. Perhaps there was a tom I didn't see… but I knew that in my heart, I wasn't thinking that. I was thinking the obvious answer which I didn't want to be sure of. Because I have been hurt once… I don't like to be hurt twice. Even though I already know I had fallen for a second cat, I can't be sure she returned my feelings. Just like Sandstorm. Speaking of that pale ginger cat, I am no longer thinking of her. Even though I wished she would spend time with me like the old times, I didn't hope for anymore for her.

Now, it was Fernpaw who chased away my other thoughts.

The first cat I liked need not be the cat I will like forever. Even now, I thought back to my time with Sandstorm. It dawned on me that it might just be jealousy that drove me to wanting to win back the she-cat. It's not truly love, it's just a crush and strengthened by envy, it feels like love. That hurt could just be the pain of losing to Fireheart.

I still dislike Fireheart, but it was no longer considered hate.

And it's all because of you.

**Long and boring chappie eh? Just review anyway.**


	9. Not A Friend: Runningwind

**Not A Friend**

Every time she stares at me, I feel really awful, but every time she doesn't stare at me, I feel worse. I'm weird, aren't I?

No. I'm not weird, just crazy, that's all. Crazily in love. One day, a sharp-tongued she-cat with her dusky brown pelt and big eyes entered my life. And changed it totally.

What can I say? She doesn't love me, as simple as that. Even though it's hard to avoid her gaze, I still want to look in those green (?) depths… to check if she happen to change her mind. For each time I meet her gaze, in her eyes was the glow of friendship, nothing more.

I wouldn't deny I once had a crush on Willowpelt. It couldn't be helped, since we were always the best of friends. But it was only a little "like", not "love". I wasn't prepared to be her mate or anything. When she was expecting Whitestorm's kits, I was didn't quite know how to react. I felt happy for her all the same.

But I knew if it was _her _who was expecting another tom's kits, I would be more than just a little disappointed. With that thought came the realization that Mousefur was not just a good friend.

I knew she doesn't look at me that way, but she never looked at any other tom that way either, so I guessed she doesn't love any other tom. That means I've got all chances to capture her heart.

Mousefur seemed like a strong she-cat, but she could be otherwise. She was injured badly on the battle when Redtail died, that is why I want to protect her. She might not thank me for that; she's not some pretty little she-cat that needs my protection. All the same, my heart wrenches when I saw her return from a battle. Whether physically or mentally, Mousefur is a really strong cat, she will hold out. But I am stronger in both ways. That is why I feel the need to take charge in her safekeeping.

Mousefur may not return my love, but I hope she will not return any other cat's love.

I'm selfish, aren't I? But love is selfish in the beginning. Not only selfish, love is absolutely cruel, unfair and painful. Well, what I think anyway. It's bad in a way that it plays with everyone. There's no direct answer in love. Mousefur was the reason, but I don't blame her at all.

Blame me for being so shy when it comes to love, blame me for not being worthy enough for her, blame me for not showing her I care.

One day, I had the chance to go out on a patrol with her and Thornpaw. I decided to tell her that very day.

"Mousefur," I meowed softly, padding up to her. "Can I talk to you?"

Mousefur nodded and ordered her apprentice to go ahead and catch some prey, if possible.

After making sure Thornpaw was out of sight, she slowed her pace, looking at me expectantly.

I brought my eyes to meet hers, and I saw the glow that held the same sense of friendship and something else. It brought a sense of hope to me, even if it isn't what I wanted it to be.

"Mousefur… " I broke off. I had told myself over and over again never to hesitate, especially at this critical moment. But I had looked into her eyes for too long, and now I couldn't say anything.

"Oh, come on, Runningwind.. we're friends right? You can tell me anything."

I stared at the she-cat sorrowfully. "Friends?" I murmured, my heart on its way to breaking. "No... I--"

I never finished my sentence. My words were interrupted with an earsplitting cry. A scent hit me, almost familiar, but I couldn't identify it. Confusion and horror were my first feelings. But the feeling that really stayed was disappointment. My only thought was: Not now, please...

Unfamiliar scents blasted onto me, suffocating me thoroughly. I let out a battle cry as soon as I saw Thornpaw among the throng of strangers. Leaping onto the first ragged cat, I felt a rush of exhilaration. Growling, I clawed at his belly mercilessly as he scratched my shoulder. Finally, I let him go.

Something struck me from behind and I yowled in pain. Flashes of rogues tearing at Mousefur sent a jolt of fear through my heart. I knew I had to protect her. This was the perfect time to show I care, the perfect time to make up for my loss. Furious, I summon as much energy as I can manage and pushed away from the mangy tom on top of me. Pinning him down, I dipped my head to finish him off. But before my teeth could meet fur, I was pulled off roughly.

I closed my eyes. The reek was powerful; there were just too many rogues. I let myself go limp, waiting for my opponent to strike me so I can use my trick.

When nothing happened, I opened my eyes a teeny bit. My eyes flew open. That dark tabby pelt… broad shoulders… smoldering amber eyes… Tigerclaw!

"Greet StarClan for me," he growled, unsheathing his claws. I heard a yelp somewhere and craned to look at the dusky brown she-cat I had tried so hard to love. Fear clouded her eyes and she let out another cry. The horror and pain in her eyes were clear; I wish those emotions were because me.

I blinked. And blinked again. Was that… _love_ I saw in those green depths? I blinked for the third time. I wasn't imagining things… it's true! Sorrow battled with love in her eyes, as she let out a cry filled with pain.

"…and kill all of you, one by one." I didn't realize Tigerclaw was talking. He meant his threat. I watched Mousefur's expression change to one of rage. "Let him off!" She screeched.

No. Don't try to defend me, Mousefur. It's over for me.

With a pang, I realize I've been protecting her secretly for a long time, but at the one time when she needed my protection, which is right now, I couldn't defend her. I had failed.

I focused my gaze on Tigerclaw and the last thing I saw, heard, smelled, tasted and felt was Tigerclaw's flash of claws, Mousefur's yowl of grief, the stink of the rogues, the taste of my own salty blood and the feeling of pain and love mingled.

I felt darkness enveloping me, as my senses failed and the world around me blended in the blackness. I sighed softly, finally contented. The words I've been unable to say echoed in my mind.

_Mousefur... I have never treated you as a friend._


	10. A Choice To Make: Cloudtail

**Author's Note:** Not a very wonderful chapter... in fact, I'm beginning to think this whole thing isn't very good... nevertheless, thank you for all your reviews!!

**A Choice To Make**

She made my heart beat faster… she made my fur prickle… I thought she was the right cat and the only one… and I never knew there could be two.

I have always felt something special about Daisy… I could understand perfectly why she left the Twolegs, and I knew that she shared the same heritage as me. Maybe that was what drew me closer to her, and what told me that she must join ThunderClan. When the other cats shunned her, I felt the need to protect her… somehow…

It could be because when we first met, she had fixed me with that trusting look, like she could trust me with her life. She wouldn't trust just any cat, and I couldn't let her down. She was alike me in various ways, and I wanted someone like that to go hunting with, or just spend time with.

Gradually, over time, I realized my feelings for her could be something more than just pity. I have never been one to think over stuff like my life depends on it, not like some other cats. I didn't think much of this emotion; I just flicked it away like I would a drop of rain.

The only thing I _really_ bother to think over was Brightheart. The look in her eyes I would never forget. That hurt look. I couldn't understand why she was feeling so negative. Was it Firestar who offended her? A younger cat, perhaps?

Or… me?

There wasn't anything I could remember I did to ruffle her fur. But that didn't erase the image of her eyes. Maybe I was spending too little time with her.

It wasn't very pleasant, but I had to admit that I was spending more time with Daisy, and I even _liked_ it.

Okay, so maybe I do feel something strong for Daisy. I could never forget her trusting look.

On the other paw, I could not take off the image of Brightheart's eyes away from my mind.

Someone… help. Help.

I'm trapped between those eyes… sandwiched in between… it's suffocating me… (A/N: --)

I felt myself swallowed by the darkness of confusion. I never realized I was hurting Brightheart… if I did, I should apologize. But how? She's all the time helping Cinderpelt, like… like she wanted to become medicine cat.

Much as I hate to say, Daisy is younger and prettier than Brightheart… oh I'm being such an idiot. Looks didn't matter. I said that myself before. But it wasn't only Daisy's looks… it was her personality and everything else.

Daisy's heritage and situation had stolen my heart… she was so like me, shunned by the Clan cats. And… she trusted me that much. If I were to go back to Brightheart, I'm afraid I can't look at the eyes of loss and betrayal she would give me.

At that moment, I stood up. Hesitantly, I took a step towards the nursery, knowing Daisy was inside with her kits. I could picture my future with her; we could be happy, and I would treat Mousekit, Berrykit and Hazelkit like my own. I would teach Daisy to hunt, fight, and I would do the same with her kits. We could go out on a tour together.

A purr formed in my throat and I let my paws take me all the way to the entrance of the nursery.

But a pair of eyes searing into my fur stopped me. Curiously, I turned my head and found myself locking gazes with no one else but my daughter. Whitepaw. Her face was expressionless, but her eyes betrayed dismay and hurt. I felt my heart lurch. I couldn't do that to her!

And what about the most important cat… Brightheart?

With a sudden jolt, everything rushed into me. I recalled how I felt when Brightheart was missing, how pain gripped me when she was torn apart, and finally, the rush of feelings that I would defend her for life; the rush of love that made me willing to give up my own life.

Tearing myself away from Whitepaw's stare, I looked to the ground. What happened to that noble young warrior?

I was so sure that my feelings for Brightheart were strong enough to survive everything. But I wasn't so sure anymore. Would our bond survive this new love I've found?

Swallowing, I turned away from the nursery. I swung my head towards the apprentices den, hoping for guidance from Whitepaw. But she was gone, her tail-tip disappearing into the apprentices den. The moon was shining dimly, and almost all the cats were asleep. I should sleep too. But not when my mind was still in such confusion.

I gazed towards the medicine cat's den, images of Brightheart's fur, her face, and all the moments we spent together flashing in my mind.

Then, I wondered why I had been such a mouse-brain. Sure, I felt strong affection towards Daisy. But how could I have forgotten Brightheart? Surely, all the moons we've been together would count for something?

I've only met Daisy… but I've known Brightheart for life. I still loved her… even though the feeling is no longer as strong…

I thought of Whitepaw. I thought of Brightheart's eyes and everything we did together, from the very start as kits, to right now, as warriors. The feeling inside me got stronger. At that moment, I could confirm one thing.

I still loved Brightheart, and as strongly as ever. It was just hidden; like snow hiding the forest ground… but the ground is still there, just like my love is still there.

Brightheart probably no longer sees it; I didn't too. But now, I could see it… all I need to do is brush away the snow and there it is, unchanged. Once new-leaf comes, there won't be any snow; and Brightheart will see that I still care.

Feeling more optimistic, I pushed myself up and padded towards the warriors den. I paused as I passed Cinderpelt's den, and blinked.

But I didn't go inside. Even though my heart insisted that I should tell Brightheart I love her right now, I decided to take it slowly. Step by step, I will make the ginger and white she-cat understand.

As I ducked my head to enter the warriors den, I thought I saw two pair of glowing orbs from the apprentices den, and those eyes held pride.

**A/N: **This could very well be the last chapter... I can't decide.


	11. I Lost: Oakheart

**Author's Note: **Okay, I apologize for not upadating for... 5 months? Over 5 months? Wow... well, I decided to try out if my skills have deproved, so yeah. Read it and you'll know xD I made Oakheart a little like Tigerclaw; don't kill me...

**I Lost**

I had plans for my life. I was going to be leader. I was going to be powerful, a cat everyone would look up to. Oh yes… life was treating me good. The moment I was appointed deputy, I was close to my ambition. I was doing it the legal way, wasn't I? I never broke a rule, not once.

As you can guess, dreams don't come true so easily. There will be much obstacles in the way. But I got a much harder obstacle than others.

Care to guess?

It's something big, smaller than me, blue in color, walks on four legs… her.

She came into my life and destroyed all my hopes.

That was why I hated her.

What I hated even more about her is the way I hated her and still fell for her anyway.

We didn't meet on very good terms; Sunningrocks was the scene of our meeting. I, deputy of RiverClan, she, deputy of ThunderClan. Somehow, StarClan brought us together with snarls and threats.

Fate toyed with us. We often bumped into each other at the border. Soon, I got so used to seeing her over the border that I accidentally turned friendly. It was just a stupid moment. I thought we might get along for once. Stupid. Very stupid. A leader doesn't think of making friends with a deputy from another Clan, an arguing she-cat at that. Because of her, I broke my first rule.

We loathed each other to the core. Sometimes, I was tempted to ask her just what she hated in me. But no. I wasn't going to lose to her. In terms of quarrels, battles; I was to be the winner. Me and me alone.

I can see it in her eyes. The glow of dislike. Yet sometimes, I stare into those blue depths, and I found friendliness in them. There were times when she spoke to me nicely, but others, she simply snapped. And every day, I return to the Clan, I found myself thinking of her. Her eyes, her face, her gestures. And day to day, I would analyze and come to a conclusion; whether or not she hates the likes of me.

There was never a definite answer. It was all very new to me. The emotions she caused in me made me baffled and furious, but yet, it wasn't a bad feeling. In time, I actually grew to looking forward to seeing her.

Yes, that was me. The ambitious deputy, reduced to that pathetic state because of a dumb she-cat. And it's that dumb she-cat that I liked.

I gaze now, into the clear water. I saw a vague reflection of myself. I didn't look too bad. I didn't have a twisted jaw or a clawed-out eye. I could even be classified as handsome! What aspect about me did she not like?

"Being a vain kitty, aren't we?"

That voice froze me on the spot. It was so familiar. It tingled in my ears. I meekly glanced up.

She stood before me, across the water, eyes gleaming with amusement.

I straightened and fixed her with a cool gaze, when all I wanted to do was to swim over to her side. "Hello."

She let out a small purr. "You didn't have to observe yourself in the water. You know you're ugly."

Was she joking, or was she being serious? I couldn't phantom, so I simply took the second answer. Okay, she was serious.

Overwhelmed by a sudden rush of emotions, I growled out loud. "I hate you, know that?"

She fixed me with that firm look. "I know. Me too."

This was it. I was going to found out why she despised me. I launched without thinking. "Why do you hate me?"

"Why do _you _hate _me_?" she retaliated.

This is the point about her that I detest. It was just _so _exasperating. I rolled my eyes. "You tell me why, and I'll tell you why."

She tilted her head to one side and thought. The expression on her face sent a flush through my fur. I ducked, embarrassed.

"Well…" she began. "I hate your voice, I hate your face, I hate your eyes, I hate your fur, I hate the way you talk, I hate the way you're always right, I hate the way you smirk, I hate the way I hate you, I hate the way you…"

"That's enough." I interrupted quietly. I knew enough; she hated me inside out, that's about it.

"And you?" she inquired.

I remained silent. I didn't want to. I didn't want to admit it, even though the answer is clearly in my head, and in my heart.

"What would you do if I don't tell?" I played with time.

"I'd break your neck now. I'd step on your tail. I'd claw your fur out."

For all the hurt I was feeling, I couldn't help but be amused. These things don't affect me, she should know that. For a dignified cat like her; it was a strange thing to say.

"I'd snap at your warriors, I'd gossip about you, I'd… steal your prey."

Still, I kept quiet, waiting for her to go on.

She looked flustered, and almost… beautiful in that state. "Every time I see you, I'd ignore you…"

That was more than enough. No. I could never imagine her pointedly turning her back at me. In Gatherings, I couldn't picture her pretending I wasn't there. Impulsively, I stood up at my full height, silencing her instantly.

I looked into her eye. "I hate the way I love you."

It was out. The words in my heart. The moment I said it out, I knew.

I thought I had lost to a cat named Bluefur.

But in fact, I had lost to love.

**Author's Note: **Review review!! ) Unless you didn't even bother to read ..


	12. The WindClan Stranger: Brackenfur

**Author's Note: **I'm entering this both into a new fanfic, and into Words From The Heart, trying to see which would get more attention... since the other one already has many chappies and has been dumped in a corner for a while... (blows away dust)

**Disclaimer:** Warriors and its characters no belong to me.

**The WindClan Stranger**

I heard someone told me I'm a paranoid cat. I went through a phase of being all paranoid and anxious about me being a paranoid cat while doing my best not to show it before finding out, hey, maybe I _am_ a paranoid cat. But I had reasons.

For example, when you see your closest friends finding their special ones, how would you feel?

I don't believe in love outside the normal friendship and clanmate feelings. There's no she-cat who could make me feel /that/ way. Love is such a gossip. To me anyway. I hear so much about it, but I never felt it before.

When you hear about something, don't you want to feel it?

And that was why, that day, I found myself by the WindClan border again, waiting for that stranger.

I thought, could I actually find someone in WindClan? Could I end up like Bluestar or Graystripe? After thinking it through, I still thought that having an illegal affair with a WindClan cat is best compared to the other Clans. Definitely not ShadowClan, and of course, not RiverClan, what with our enmity and all.

I stared and stared, wasting my time away. She should appear now, right? Anytime now, she would appear from those moors and lock gazes with me. Then we'd share that common understanding that we both are special to one another. Who would it be?

Truth be told, I felt stupid. I've always believed I was born naive. I was worried about many things. I had felt responsible for Sorrelkit's plight because I didn't guard Darkstripe well. Despite Fireheart's constant saying that it wasn't my fault, I couldn't help it, see.

Sorrelkit was only a kit. Even so young, I saw the potential in her to become a great warrior. I saw the difference in her. If I was responsible for her death, I'd never forgive myself!

I sighed aloud. Why was I thinking about Sorreltail when I should be thinking of the cat I'm supposed to meet like,_ **now**_? Where are my priorities?

I sighed once more, wistfully, and turned away. No point wallowing over things that wouldn't happen.

"Someone missing a secret lover?"

I jumped. Not only literally, but really jumped. There, before me, was the she-cat whose near-death I thought I caused.

"Sorreltail?! What are you doing here?"

I think I sounded too surprised because she frowned.

"This is ThunderClan territory. Of course I'd be here."

I ducked, too embarassed to say anything. But since I'm the older one here, the more experienced one, I regained my composure. "Yes, of course. Pardon me, then. I'm going to hunt."

I side-stepped, hurrying past her and stubbornly avoiding her gaze. I was such an idiot!

I hadn't walked a few steps when I heard her footsteps behind me. I closed my eyes, my fur burning in embarassment.

"Why were you staring like that?" Sorreltail questioned, trailing behind me.

I walked on, keeping my eyes fixed ahead of me. I figured that if I kept quiet, she would stop asking.

I found that I figured wrong.

"Do you really love someone from WindClan?"

I whirled around, shocked. Words couldn't explain how taken aback I was. "What?" I exploded.

She winced, flattening her tortoiseshell body against the ground. "I was just asking. Casually," she added. She didn't look casual to me. She looked very tense.

I forced myself to relax. I couldn't let her see I was nervous. I couldn't let her see that I was actually thinking of the possibility of having an affair with some unknown nameless WindClan cat.

"I'm sorry," I apologized instinctively.

Sorreltail straightened slightly, her eyes narrowed. She looked angry. And she deserved to be so. I was the one who had to go exploding.

At that time, I really felt like an idiot.

Dignity, Brackenfur! You're supposed to be a dignified tom! A senior tom! I dipped my head to lick my chest fur, all the while conscious of her hard glare.

"I thought you were a goody cat, Brackenfur..." Sorreltail retorted. "I thought you were the only one who stick to the rules."

Even _she_ thought so! I felt so miserable. Was I destined to be a 'goody' cat all the while? "I did want to break the rules..." I mumbled, half to myself.

Surprisingly, she had acute hearing. Or maybe I was talking too loud.

Her eyes gleamed with amusement as she half-circled me. "Oh, but I like good cats who follow the rules..."

I flinched as I gazed at her. Was that a smirk? StarClan, was that a smirk I see on her face? Sorreltail, the playful cheery she-cat, just smirked? At me? The thought sent a rush of heat to my ears, which I flicked uncertainly.

"See you, Brackenfur," Sorreltail mewed calmly, flicking her tail at my cheek. It tingled.

As I watched her go, she turned back, suddenly looking more serious. "And... if you want to break the rules, I'm sure you can do better than to love another cat outside the Clan. We don't need anymore forbidden love."

"It's not that I want it anyway..." I protested. "I just want... to love."

I sounded so vulnerable! Brackenfur, you're the tom here! I was too busy scolding myself to realize that she had padded up to me.

"I understand," Sorreltail murmured. She pressed her muzzle against my shoulder. I relaxed visibly and stopped trembling—wait, I was trembling?! I was even more pathetic than I thought!

We talked. Me and Sorreltail, we talked. The last time I remembered we had chatted, was when she was an apprentice, with her shoulder injured. I told her it was fine, that she'd do fine. And she had given me that look that sent an uncomfortable shiver down my spine. Looking into her green (?) eyes now, I felt the same way. Only stronger than before.

I opened up. I told her how I felt. I never told a cat so many personal things before. She always nodded with understanding. I told her about many things, how scared I was when I thought she was going to die. It felt like I knew her the whole of my short life. Well, I did, but I didn't know _know_ her. She felt like the best friend I could have. I felt completely myself before her... aside from the occasional prickle down my spine when she stared at me.

As we stood up, the sun was almost setting. Her tortoiseshell fur was bathed in warm golden light. It struck me then, that I have never seen such a beautiful cat.

Being the cat I am, I was transfixed.

My heart was reacting the wrong way.

"Brackenfur, you okay?" She waved a paw in front of me. She looked worried. Suddenly, I felt good inside.

Foolishly, I bowed my head. I was alright, actually. I just wanted to see that anxious look on her face once more. It made me feel warm.

I sighed the most dramatic sigh I could summon. "I'm okay," I meowed in the deepest, most heavy voice I could muster. It wasn't the best thing to do, apparantly, because Sorreltail stepped closer, examining me, and even sniffing to see if I'm ill. It took me everything to stay where I was and not run away. If I remembered clearly, I think I held my breath as well.

"Umm... shall we go back?" Sorreltail suggested after stepping back.

"Okay." I replied, still stunned. I fell into step beside her, and we were quiet. But it wasn't that kind of awkward silence when you didn't know what to say. It was a mutual and comfortable silence. The closeness made me feel warm.

I flashed a quick sideways glance at her. She was still there. She still looked beautiful. I'm not paralyzed by her or anything. Well, I /was/ at one point... where I had been gaping like... like whatever word that can describe a silly tom.

But I knew, I was struck by her. Why hadn't I noticed her since long time ago? A she-cat that could struck me. Why hadn't I been struck by her before?

I glanced away, the heat creeping up to my face as a memory surfaced. If I think further back, maybe she was special all the while. It just needed time for me to see it properly, before me. Since I do admit, I could be kind of blind, like the time with Darkstripe... and the one with... oh, I'm not going to go into the moments of misery once more.

Feeling eyes on me, I turned. Sorreltail was fixing me with an intense look. I found that I couldn't look away. Her eyes... it felt like she was looking through me.

Then she smiled.

And me, being the paranoid and timid cat I am, of course, reacted in a more violent way than other cats.

I couldn't remember how I tripped over that root, or how I fell flat on my face, or how I struggled to stand up, or whether I had licked one paw and passed it over my face self-consciously.

But when she smiled the second time, I knew I wouldn't need to visit the WindClan border again.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Okay? Terrible? Reasonable? Tell me your opinion.. I haven't written a fanfic in a long while... Review! Comment, criticize, if possible, praise :)


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